A string of yellow lights

Today was one of those days.  Have you ever been driving down a street that has several street lights in a row?  Today felt like I was driving down that street and you just couldn't quite get the timing down.  It was like when you are driving and see the light turn yellow but are going too fast to stop but you know you have to otherwise you most definitely will run a red.  In a split second you debate the risk versus reward and decide YOU MUST STOP.  You come to an abrupt halt.  You stop, but only to find yourself halfway through the crosswalk where the poor pedestrian is trying to cross and looks at the crazy lady in the mini-van.  At that point you kind of wave and give them a "Sorry...I'm not as crazy as I look" cringe.  Then, you continue driving and the same darn thing happens at the next traffic light.

My "yellow lights" today involved Nathan stopping traffic (thank the Lord he didn't get run over) on a busy street because he decided he wanted to go to the park; losing Nathan AND my wallet while in in a store (I found both, thankfully); desperately trying to be that cool, calm, collected mom without raising her voice to encourage her kids to speak with kindness when they are bickering; having a conversation with a 7 year old about how it's okay to not do things "perfectly" because that is how we learn...only to find his little brother standing at the ice cream truck handing the lady his glass jar filled with coins that he just plucked off his dresser.  Parenting is not for wusses.  I know I'm not the only one that goes through this.  I'm just trying to figure out how to change gears and not let the rest of the day get the best of me.  At this moment, the boys are in their rooms for quiet time.

As I sit pondering my day, most of my thoughts are consumed with Nathan.  This boy keeps me on my toes and aside from needing to be more hands on, he just doesn't do things in the order or logical manner that I see the world.  Jacob was familiar to parent, because like me, he found comfort in schedules, routine, and knowing what to expect (he still does...ironically he and I are both working in the area of being flexible and being careful of setting expectations).  Nathan on the other hand is my creative, live in the moment, think outside the box boy.  Even as I am writing now, Nathan is the one yelling from his room "Mom, can I come down now?"  I also just heard a crash.  He fell off the stool as he was attempting to "borrow" a couple of legos from Jacob's shelf.  Jacob, on the other hand, is all snuggled in his bed still sleeping.  (Boys, if you are reading this years later, you are both amazing, gifted, talented sweet boys with amazing hearts and know that I love you both to the moon and back and thank you for the opportunity to teach me about patience, grace, and flexibility!)

The hard part for me is that no matter what they do / don't do, to not take it personally, and remain calm and consistent while not losing my cool or worrying that I might miss an important parenting moment and if I don't guide or correct the boys will never learn, or be concerned about what anyone else things of my parenting, tone, or the scene we are causing is drawing attention to the fact that I am wearing black leggings and my navy crocs.  (Who am I kidding, I wear my crocs all the time).

I hesitate to even complain or grumble about what a "hard day of parenting" it was.  Let's just call it venting, okay?  And not for a single second am I ungrateful for these beautiful gifts that God has entrusted us with.  Scott and I just need God's help doing it.  And I could really use Scott right now.  It's got to be close to 5, right?   I am so thankful for that man.  Remember, parenting isn't for wusses.

Now that I've had the opportunity to write a blog post (because it has to go somewhere), take a few deep breaths, say a prayer of thanks to God for keeping my family safe, and give thanks for my comfy home - I'm ready to press on through the rest of the day.  Bring on the yellow lights!